just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
