I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
