i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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