Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
