I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
