It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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