Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You took a bar mat shot.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Randomize
