Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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