I can't watch pbs sober anymore
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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