Someone shit on the floor
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
