His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
