i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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