He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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