i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
