you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
His nipple licking is glorious
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