I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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