Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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