im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
