i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
