i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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