just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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