Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
