Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
