My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize