I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Send help, water and tortillas.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think people are normalizing furries
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
