dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
