"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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