Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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