Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
