It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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