And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
