Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
