apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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