I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
