you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
