So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
