Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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