sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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