My hand turned me down
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish i was in the wii world.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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