I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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