If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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