So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
