i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
