Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
