One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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