Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
