I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
