Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
