the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
