When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
