he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Will you blow on my dice?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
