it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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