Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
