There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she told me i tasted like america
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
