I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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