Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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