Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
