God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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