Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
